One of my most favorite places in this good Earth is Disneyland. For those readers who don't know what Disneyland is, I would say, come out from under that rock. It is a magical place in southern California surrounded by overpriced half star motels (where the hepatitis B is always free). My first trip to the "Happiest Place on Earth" was when I was about 7. At that early age I was afraid of everything (much like today) and did not ride many rides. In fact, I remember being afraid of the Alice in Wonderland ride. Even still I was captured by the magic that Disneyland offers.
Growing up my family visited the park several times. I remember a few firsts for me in my life there. My first time riding a roller coaster. My first time vomiting in public. My first time loosing 40 bucks. What a magical place.
The magic seemed to fade a little in the 90's during the several shifts in the "Money Hungry" management. The paint faded, wear and tear went unrepaired, the cast members became surly and rude. Yet I still showed up, hoping that it was just a phase, and I still loved it.
Then another park went up in the old parking lot. The California Adventure. And by Adventure I think they meant boring. It's the park where you can see wonderful things like "How to make tortillas" or "How to make Sourdough Bread". They do have a few good rides, but it will never be the same as Disneyland.
Mr. Matt Ouimet took over as president of the Disneyland Resort and the good changes started to occur. Paint has been touched up, the wear and tear has been repaired and a lot of the staff has been fired or quit. At my last visit to the park my only complaint was all the stupid crowds. Just a note to all the readers, when you are walking in a crowded place please don't just stop in the middle of the walkway to refer to a map, or look around. Move over! I'm thinking next time I visit, I will be bringing a Cattle Prod. (ZAP, excuse me...ZAP, excuse me ZAP)
I look forward to the new changes being made. The Haunted Mansion is receiving a new story line and some great new effects. The Pirates of the Caribbean is also getting a revamp with new technology, characters (Captain Jack Sparrow) and a new story line, as well as tossing out the old Politically Correct changes.
So three cheers for Disneyland! I hope to visit there often, if any of our readers are going, and would like the Tracy Tour, and are willing to pay for me, then kick me out an email and I guarantee you'll have the best trip of your life!

How to be a Safe Driver

My Father has written a paper on how to be a safe driver. He has driven well over a million miles without an accident and that's saying something. I have never felt nervous as a passenger when he is driving. I must point out, this is not a joke. I know our loyal readers who check back often looking for a laugh may be disappointed. Consider it our Public Service Announcement. We will get back to the funny with the next post! Click here to read this paper.

The views and opinions contained herein in no way reflect the views and opinions of The Primate Cage.

Batman Vs. Superman

I would like to write of a debate that has raged on since the dawn of time. Who is better, Batman or Superman. Here are my arguments:

Superman is not a human.
It is indeed a fact that Superman, or Kal-El, was not born on the planet Earth. He was born on the doomed planet Krypton. And while I am glad he was sent here as much as the next person, I am not sure if he entered our country legally. That's right. Superman is an Illegal Alien. I'm sure with the present state of affairs in the country, it will be overlooked.
Batman (Bruce Wayne) was born in America to very wealthy and socially conscious parents. Not only is he a true blooded American, he is also human. 1 point for Batman.
Superman has Super Powers. He has flight, super speed, invulnerability, heat vision, cold breath, x-ray vision and (this is a rumor) can fly around the world so fast that it spins in reverse and turns back time. Of course this makes him the ultimate super hero. 1 point for Superman.
Batman has trained his body and mind since he was a child and watched his parents die in an alley in Gotham City. He is a human, yet can keep up with all the Super Powered people in the Justice League. He is the pinnacle of human perfection. 2 Points for Batman.
Batman beat Superman in a fight in the "Hush" comic series. 1 point for Batman.
Superman has a healthy relationship with Lois Lane and seems a down to Earth kind of guy. 1 Point for Superman
Batman is unstable and dark, but a good person. 1 for Batman.

As you can tell this debate can go on and on. For the sake of time, I am just going to declare Batman winner. I do like Superman very much but for my money, you can't beat the worlds greatest detective and super hero, Batman. I rest my case.