Traffic

I figured out the problem with traffic. It's not the cars, it's the people in the cars. I have a pretty long commute to work every day. I'm not complaining or anything (Okay, maybe a little bit). I drive next to a LOT of cars containing people every single day. For the most part, those people aren't bad, but sometimes some people need pulled over and slapped repeatedly. Not by me of course, I have absolutely no authority. The problem is the police have a little bit too much responsibility as is right now, so what I propose is a whole separate group of concerned citizens whose job would be to find the people who need slaps, pull them over and slap the crap out of them in front of the rest of the commuters, surrounded by the crazy honks from passer-bys. This, I feel, would cut down on the cases of road rage, which while it's not on the news everyday, is still an epidemic in our society.
The people who I feel need a good smack are as follows:

1. Anyone who "Drifts" from lane to lane. I don't care if it's a stimulating cell phone conversation, or someone putting on lipstick, or someone checking their email, these people need understand what those white marks with the little bumps on them are there for. It's to keep your car on the outside of my car! Pay attention to what you're doing!

2. People who decide to change lanes without making sure someone isn't already occupying that space in the universe already. Seriously, why do you think there are mirrors in your car? I'm pretty sure these people have every "rear view" mirror aimed directly at themselves. Please make sure the place you are intending to occupy isn't already inhabited because certain kinds of matter cannot pass through other certain kinds of matter.

3. I'm going to wrap this up with this last one, which is by far my most deserving of a major crack in the teeth...people who drive at or under the speed limit in the fast lane. Now if this is how you drive, that's fine. That's why there is a lane called the "SLOW LANE"! I bet if these people understood the words "Fast" as they pertain to the fast lane there would be at least half as many accidents on the freeways. I've seen the way people deal with this kind of slow moving road block. You get as close as you can to the back of the person in front of you and give dirty, glaring looks at the driver ahead of you, even if that's not the person causing the slow down (even if it's not the person directly behind that person as well). As soon as the traffic in the adjacent shows a gap large enough to squeeze into, you cram your foot on the gas and attain warp speed for about 20 seconds as you tear around the slow poke, offering your middle finger as a salute slowness, and then pull your steering wheel hard over right in front of the slow person narrowly missing their front bumper. This happens to the slow driver about 4000 times in a period of about 10 minutes. Seriously, MOVE OVER!