Tennis Scandal!

I begin this update by letting you know that Tracy beat Tony in yesterdays match bringing the games to a tie a 5-5. It went to the unbearable tie breaker match once again. However, the tie breaker match lasted 3 years during which time the court was wrapped in a time warp as Tracy took the match 11-9. The details are in a blur as the on lookers got bored and read the latest Harry Potter book.

Which brings us to the scandal! Moments after the announcement of illegal banned substances, this photograph of Tony downing a "Go Girl" energy drink before the Tennis Match. Tracy has been quoted in saying "Bring it on Tony! I don't care if you drink Go Girl, or Rockstar, or Monster, or Red Bull or, Monster Energy XXL, or Lucozade Orange, or Bawlz, or Soda Club, or Radioactive Energy, or Damzl Fuel, or Blue Streak, or Fortify Energy Plus, or Source Burn, or even Korean Ginseng drink! I can beat you no matter what radioactive liquid is pouring in your veins!" The Summer 2007 Tennis Classic officials decided to overlook this "Juicing" on the reason, if it's good enough for the MLB to overlook Barry Bonds, they might as well let the Summer 2007 Tennis Classic fans enjoy the brutal match!

Tennis Update July 25th

The world was stunned by yesterdays Summer 2007 Tennis Classic "Balls Of Fury" match between Tony and Tracy. Tony destroyed Tracy 5 games to 3. The match began as every match these to rivals play against each other. The back and forth between points and games at an even pace. Then Tony stunned the crowd with the rare, but beautiful "perfect serve". As the ball flew through the air a heavenly chorus was heard singing the word "ACE!". A dazzling white light appeared just as the ball hit in bounds. Tracy became furious and turned instantly back into the Hulk. The referee called a foul at this point. Tracy, in Hulk form could not control the onslaught of swearing. Tracy then reverted to plan B...Ultraman. But Tony assumed the form of a Giant undead moth type thingy and managed to stomp all over Ultra Tennis Man.













BREAKING NEWS! Tracy, long suspecting Tony of cheating has hired a Private Detective to follow Tony around to capture the off court shenanigans. It turns out this photo was snapped of Tony selling his soul to the devil for tennis serving power. When asked about the shameful photo Tony's explanation is as follows.
"First. It ain't against the rules. Second, I didn't sell my soul. It was more of a lease arrangement. See the devil has enough souls as he recently collected most of the US Congress and the Senate. A lot of them wanted to get off that DC Madames list and everything..."
As it turns out, Tony is correct. It isn't against the rules to sell your soul for tennis powers. However, we must remind you, any illegal substance to enhance performance is strictly prohibited. Including "Go Girl Engery Drink".

Tennis Update July 19th

"The Day is MINE!" Tracy Constantine was quoted as saying after the lengthy Tennis Match. Tracy has successfully tied the Summer 2007 Tennis Classic at 4 games a piece. It was an epic battle in the 8th game of the season. The game went, yet again, to the annoyingly drawn out tie breaker match. The entire set lasted about 1 week. The weather has been mild as of late. During the game, however, the Cosmos decided to crank the heat up on the tennis court. It quickly became a roasting 10,000 degrees within a matter of minutes. The Tennis Battle was so intense that neither opponent would quit playing! Although they did quit sweating at one point, which is not a good sign. The fierce battle was so intense that Tracy didn't even notice when his heart gave up and stopped pumping blood for a few hours. Luckily, a well placed 700 mph tennis blast to the chest restarted the dead heart. Tracy then employed a new tactic by turning into the Hulk for a few well placed hits and serves. Tony the Giant, with his Giant reach and lightning like reflexes managed to put up a good fight. Enthusiasm for the Summer 2007 Tennis Classic has reached an all time high. The fans have poured out their support. "It was a battle for the ages." one spectator was not heard to say. "This is the greatest day of my life!" someone else said...somewhere, about something. "Tony and Tracy's tennis matches has cured my foot cancer!" little Timmy exclaimed from the foot cancer building at the local foot and knee cap cancer hospital. We look forward to the next match to see who will pull into the lead! Stay tuned Tennis Fan!

P.S. Someone managed to snap a picture of the match at the moment when Tracy Won! Notice Tony in the back court, in his Giant Awesomeness!

Summer 2007 Tennis Classic Update

It was the best of times, it was the Blerst of times?! The tennis world was on the edge of their seats today during the two sets played by long time Wimbledon watchers Tracy (Temper Tantrum) Constantine and Tony (Giant Wasp Lover) Caston. The first thing anyone noticed today was that Tracy stepped up his game showing a supreme confidence by dressing like an 80's movie preppy with a polo shirt (collar up!) and low socks, with Shades. Tony's confidence was shaken quite badly upon seeing that he would be playing against an 80's movie rich jerk. He worried that the game would take a turn for the worse when Tracy (AKA Chett)'s dad would build a new golf course on his suburban neighborhood making him resort to crazy antics, like joining the annual Yacht race, or find the hidden pirate treasure, or Ski down the K-12 on one ski while being chased by a ravenous 12 year old paper boy demanding his 2 dollars! Tony quickly recovered from the shock and the first set went to the very tense, somewhat annoyingly drawn out tie breaker 6-6 match. Tracy ended up winning this set. After a celebratory passing out, Tracy was prepped for the next set. The game appeared to be going poorly for Tony when the count reached 3-0 in favor of Tracy. Tony stepped up his game with some fabulously fake point steeling shots. Tracy's temper raged as he accused Tony of altering the gravity on his side of the court, or somehow making the wind blow the ball out of bounds every time. Without being able to offer any sort of proof, the play continued with Tracy loosing to Tony 6-4. Tracy then smashed his racket into the fence and vowed revenge on Tony if it were the last thing he did. Tony then drove a fuming Tracy back to his house. Special Note! There will be a one week break from tennis while Tracy gets his special robot legs and mind control devices installed. Stay Tuned Tennis Fan (Probably just Tony)!

Summer 2007 Classic Update

A game was played yesterday between Tony and myself. And I WON! Of course I did cheat, but only a little. I hired an army of WASPS to attack Tony right before we started playing. This worked out great! Tony ran around his side of the court waving his tennis racket and his freakishly long arms at the tiny, yet very stingy, army of wasps! By the time we started playing, he was already a bit winded! Victory was mine! Although, it was still close. I lost the lead early on but was determined to win. I was even going to resort to the Go Go Gadget Arms I had installed over the weekend. Fortunately I didn't have too, as it hurts a great deal more to extend the arms then they lead on to in the cartoon. I have a deep respect for Inspector Gadget. Imagine, all the times he had to extend his appendages, not even once letting on to the excruciating pain of it. That my friends and enemies, is a true hero! But I digress. The real story here has something to do with me beating Tony at something....oh yes TENNIS! This brings the matches to 3-2 in Tony's favor. But I think now he can hear me creeping behind him, like some sort of small creeping thing that plays tennis, and mutters under it's breath, and kinda smells like tuna...that went too far...anyways, STAY TUNED the one or two readers of this Blog for more in the SUMMER 2007 TENNIS CLASSIC for exciting Tennis action, or at least a rambling recount.

Summer 2007 Tennis Classic Has Begun!

Tony (Giant Man) Caston and I have begun the Summer 2007 Tennis Classic! Mind you it's about 40,000 degrees right now so it makes for some pretty interesting matches. For instance, some people play on grass, or clay...we are currently playing on a court of LAVA! After the first match the hallucinations begin to kick in making it very hard to hit the ball in bounds when the lines are all wiggling and yelling and made of monsters and hate. I also found out that Tony has been cheating, using a variety of tactics. For instance, Force Powers, Mind Control and using an intricate tunnel system to make sure that the Indian grave yard is directly under the side of court I am playing on. That and he's 50 feet tall. What I have going for me, is my horrible shoulder injury and asthma. If you think that's a handicap, well, then you just have never played a bad shoulder having asthmatic before my friend! Special Note to Tony...I plan on coming armed for our next Match my Friend!

What the World Needs Now

It's not love, sweet love like you'd think...it's Global Warming! I'm so excited by the current trend in Global Warming! I mean come on, who doesn't love the warm weather! For instance, all the polar ice caps melting! To me that's RAD! I've always wanted to visit that area of the world, but have often thought, "Naw, too cold!" Not in a few years! It'll be a vacation hot spot soon! Just imagine, all the countries that we Americans currently think of as cold and uninviting, like Greenland, Iceland, Russia, Detroit. They will all melt soon and become inhabitable again! It's like in that movie the Chronicles of Narnia, when the ice melts and junk! The Ice Witch is finally dead on Earth! Bring on that global warming!